Thursday, December 30, 2010

Gathering Dust

This blog is no longer maintained. See underlore.com.


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Friday, February 13, 2009

It's just a joke man

Yes, I critique humor seriously.

"It's just a joke" does not make what is said meaningless.

How about you stand up in the middle of your town and tell the joke about how many Jews can you fit in a beetle, or the one about why don't Mexicans and blacks have kids? Because we know damn well that a joke can easily not be "just a joke." The intention of the teller is irrelevant, the intention of the writer is irrelevant.

Because even when you're being funny you're saying something. In order for a joke to work, some things must be taken as facts. x + 2 = 4 Four may be the punchline, but x is what can offend and upset.

The assumptions made in a joke can quite insidiously train a human mind to see reality a certain way without them ever knowing they've been trained.

And that's how I feel about the trillions of examples of relationship humor when sexist assumptions are made. I'm tired of being told I have to put up with that shit if I want a girlfriend. Well, I don't. I decided a long time ago that if a girl wants to be important to me she gets to abandon and hope of riding me into an early grave so she can enjoy a plethora of double standards.

And you know what happened? I figured out that if I'm just a little patient, given the population of 6.7 billion, I can find people that don't demand total servitude. So you can take your boring 1950s sexist "normal" humor and leap headfirst into the dust bin of history.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Deadlight

I think I wrote this somewhere before but I can't find it so here I go again.

The point of this game is to teach people to spot anomalies on the road. It is designed to teach awareness and observation,a and to decrease reaction time.

It is named Deadlight for two reasons, first of all because its fast to say and easy to recall, and secondly to remind the player that it is a seriously valuable skill, since one can die at nearly the speed of light on the road.

Equipment needed: None.

Rules: (Pick and choose as needed.)

Core-
If you are in a car with the engine running you are playing.
First player to spot and call a Deadlight gets a point.
Last player to score a point when the engine shuts off, wins. If player exits vehicle while holding the point, player wins. (this allows kids being dropped off places to win)
There is no score beyond last point scored.
Deadlights may not be called from mirrors or outside normal view. (This negates driver view advantage).

Optionals-
Deadlights can only be called at night. Night is defined by street lamps.
Tail lights, fog lights, broken windows, broken or turned off wipers, car crashes, deer, etc all count as Deadlights, turning without signaling. Any potentially dangerous road anomaly.
Players without seat belts can not win.

Games I invented as a child: Virtual assassins.

Equipment needed:
Toy guns, and explosives. A multi-room setting. Toy Swords Boffa, rubber knives, etc allowed. Nerf guns.

Goal:
Kill everyone in the house (non players as well) and then suicide to score a point. (Suicide bombing counts.)

Rules:
A dead player must stay in the room he was killed in and take no in game action for 30 seconds, or more depending on handicap and agreed upon rules.

A player can elect to stay dead by staying in the room, once a dead player is past his time limit he may cross the threshold of the room into another room to revive.

A single touch into another room with the foot is required. Hands do not count. Unless the player is prone.

Players may play dead.

Weapons by default can only act on player in the same room. A player must be in the room to use a weapons in a room: Solid foot if standing, solid hand if prone, or more than 50% of body mass is beyond threshold.

Firing rate depends on click of gun or actual firing rate in the case of Nerf, if it doesn't click or beep or something, it's a dead weapon.

Semi automatic rifles are 1 room spanners. Melee weapons are limited to actual range, and cannot be throw unless throwing is their only function. (no throwing swords or daggers)

Explosives are room killers, shelter is ignored. These need not make noise. Explosives are limited to one room.

Pets are always in play and their noises kill rooms, pets are immune to physical contact weapons. Players using physical contact weapons on a pet are killed for 24 hours. (In honor of Mitzi. M.I.A.)

Improvised weapons are allowed. Walkie-talkies make good remote bombs. Oven timers are also handy. String and bells may be used as claymores. Or cardboard box mines. Be creative.

Games I invented as a child: Wiffleball Frisbee Bat Beat Down

I invented this game when i was like 10 or something.

Equipment needed: Goal markers, Frisbees (that you don't particularly care about), Wiffleball bats.

Goal: To know the crap out of Frisbees and feel like a ninja. Or to score points, whichever.

The game can have as many players as you like I guess limited by the geometry of the goal zones.

The idea is for each player to have a goal zone, and a bat. Another player's goal is to toss the Frisbee past the player between the goal markers. The idea is to stop the Frisbee, Violently.

You handicap or advantage expert and new players by distancing the markers.

If the Frisbee passes between the markers that's a point for the thrower and it now becomes the defender's turn to throw, always to the left. (In honor of my mom's southern paw.)

If the Frisbee is tossed higher than the defender can theoretically reach, standing bat in hand, then no point is gained. The idea is to get it past them not over.

Friday, January 9, 2009

Itch

Elsevier Article Locator

Abstract


We compared itch sensations and axon reflex flare induced by transcutaneous electrical (0.08–8ms, 2–200Hz) and chemical (histamine iontophoresis; 100μC) stimulation. Stimuli were applied to non-lesional volar wrist skin in 20 healthy human subjects and 10 patients with atopic dermatitis. Intensity of evoked itch and pain sensations were rated on a numerical rating scale (NRS) of 0 (no sensation) to 10 (the maximum sensation imaginable). The axon reflex erythema was measured by laser Doppler imager and areas of alloknesis (itch evoked by light brushing) and hyperknesis (itch evoked by pricking) were assessed psychophysically. Electrical stimulation was most effective for stimulus durations ≥2ms and frequencies ≥50Hz. It evoked pure itch as threshold sensation in 80% of the subjects that was perceived with a delay of approximately 1s. Itch intensities of up to 7/10 were not accompanied by an axon reflex flare. In contrast, histamine provoked a massive increase of axon reflex erythema and maximum itch ratings of 3.1±0.2. The extention of alloknesis areas (2.3±0.5cm) evoked by electrical stimulation clearly exceeded those induced by histamine (0.7±0.3cm). Healthy subjects and patients with atopic dermatitis did not differ significantly in their response to either stimulation. We conclude that C-fiber activation underlies the electrically evoked itch sensation. The low electrical thresholds and the absence of an axon reflex flare suggest that these fibers are not identical with the previously described mechano-insensitive histamine responsive C fibers, but represent a separate peripheral neuronal system for the induction of itch.


Now I'm not going to protend to understand all that, but what it looks like to me is that there is a way to induce itching or more specifically the sensation of itch with a TENS unit, by direct nerve induction.

If that is the case I have an idea.

Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Californication

Well season one was a real page turner.

Sat and watched two thirds of it in a single sitting.

Laughed so hard at one point I thought I was going to stroke out, seriously I stopped it and did some bogus breath control shit trying to slow my heart down, which for the record failed miserably. It was like the adult version of trying not to laugh in class.

But of course as with House, as with Dexter, and so on, it transformed into a after school special about how to sell your soul to the vagina.

I don't know which is worse, the fact that these shows portray all women as lying whores or the fact that when I say so in defense of real women I'm told, by real women, that I must think all women are whores.

So either they actually are all lying whores, or they feel behaving like lying whores is acceptable, or they don't and they are lying to themselves.

It's like Catch 22, what happens if I use a bit of healthy skepticism to admit the fact that I might be wrong but in so doing actually reinforce that I might be right?

All I see on TV is men having women's backs against the world and then being berated at home for it. Am I dysfunctional for wanting no part of that? Apparently so.

Well, it was nice while it lasted, one good season is better than none since I'm not allowed to do shit but sit here and watch TV like some catatonic.

Edit: The show picked up after the half way point, it got just a smidge less about conforming with sufficient vigor to please the unpleaseable, and actually introduced at least one excellent character, but of course they executed him. Probably because they can't afford his ass since season 3 was late 2009 and that's when he's going to be in battlestar.

"Big ups" to him. I'd pick battlestar too.

The Internet


The Internet's greatest power is showing that no pain is above mockery.

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Merry Xmas!

Sometimes its shocking how things turn out.

I got a hot chocolate mug, a SWEET hoodie and a gal bladder attack this xmas.

And would you believe it as of this moment I'm having a damn fine xmas.

1. The mug and hoodie were very thoughtful.

2. I generally feel really guilty come xmas time because I have no job and no money.

3. I feel even more guilty because the people that love me enough to get me gifts I'd rather not take from, and the bastards that owe me money never even send so much as a card... with my money in it.

4. I had some muscle relaxers left over from my emergency room visit for my last gal bladder attack, so while I was literally writhing in agony for I'm not sure how long, it had to have been under an hour. Having had previous attacks last for several hours this means a lot to me.

Now I'm the first to point out the selective reasoning whenever people point out a 99% catastrophe as a miracle. You know, bus of toddlers goes over a cliff, one lives, invariably someone calls that one living a miracle. I myself say why toss it over at all? Why not miracle a total prevention? Personally a floating buss being gently placed back on the road would be more effective in conveying god's love, but I digress.

I am genuinely happy that I am no longer in pain. I also feel no malice that I was in pain. I wonder if that's just me being seriously stupid, or cowardly, or somehow noble.

Intellectually I know that I could have been placed in this state of mind without the pain, but, I'm happy just the same.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Pedophilia, Paraphilia and Society

It was once said about me, when I was attacking what I characterize as the pedophile witch hunt in the west, that perhaps I wish us not to "hunt" pedophiles at all. Ignoring the use of the word hunt with regard to human beings and before I explore the question of whether or not merely hunting pedophiles is the best way to protect children, I'd like to clarify my position on pedophilia generally.

In short, I think we shouldn't create pedophiles and then act all surprised when we find them. The natural next question is how can they be created? And who is doing the creating?

The first question's answer is obvious. and to ask it exposes a fundamental and willful ignorance. To ask the question exposes a deep and pressing ideological bias quite honestly not seen since Nazi Germany. You probably felt it already and have formed opinions about me before ever reaching this sentence because of a clear and factual implication that I've already made that you probably disagree with. The implication, and indeed my outright statement, is that pedophiles are humans. They are not monsters to be caught and tortured.

I dare say they aren't even sick genetically speaking. In my view pedophilia is formed like any other fetish, though obviously it has some drastic social consequences. This bring us to our next question because I've just explained that pedophiles are not born, they are made.

To go into this in detail would be dissertation material in both content and length. To understand my position you must also have a basically workable conceptual understanding of genetics, psychology, sexuality, and sociology. I consider myself rare in meeting all those requirements. Though of course I have no accredited stamp 'proving' it beyond my entry level college courses.

The DSM IV has a great section on paraphillia. I myself have a quite harmless fetish, and that was part of my motivation for undertaking the reading required to help answer the question "why do I feel this way?" I believe I have a satisfactory and accurate answer. It is environmental.

I am quick to add that I believe homosexuality to be a genetic anomaly, though I also believe one can acquire a "fetish" for the same sex as a result of the same mechanism that grants fetish's to all people, which accounts partially for the confusion about the origin of homosexuality. Those of one genetic sexual preference, with a fetish for the other, in my opinion accounts for the majority of people labeled "bi". I will of course not discount the possibility of a genetically bisexual individual, but I will hazard a guess that they are quite rare. And determining a blood test for sexuality so to speak will be to put it mildly, difficult, if not entirely needless. A good starting point for understanding this hypothesis would be the book Adam's Curse, which explores the consequences of intracellular genetic competition between mitochondrial and nucleic DNA.

The mechanical or environmental formation of a fetish is actually quite simple, and amounts to accident and timing. The fact that most people share sexual traits with their peers is no accident. Without going into the evidence I'll simply state that as some point during the transition from childhood to adolescence sexuality is in large part imprinted, in precisely the same way a baby bird imprints when hatching from the egg.

Children by definition are not at fault in this process, or put in another more obvious way, one cannot help and or is not responsible for their sexual formation. This is important because it shows that disposition towards pedophilia is ethically neutral. Again, put simply being a pedophile is not evil.

It must be noted that this process is analog not digital, it is not an on off switch, one can be afflicted only in part while still harboring 'healthy' sexual appetites. This in my view accounts for the infantilization some men require sexually despite not being pedophiles. (hairless vagina, child like behavior, extreme petiteness preference, pigtails, etc) This in turn partially and ironically accounts for the demand that the market is responding to when it uses sexually appealing and yet childlike models to hock its wares, which in turn creates an environment conducive to the creation of criminal pedophiles.

We create them by first and foremost by annihilating all possible routes to free, easy, and safe sexual release. Also by demonizing masturbation, pornography and outlawing all forms of non-sanctioned sexual indulgence despite their harmless nature. This over reaction stems from ignorance mainly, and to a lesser but still significant degree, from cultural puritanism.

For example, cartoons of pedophilia, which is not well understood, are illegal, but cartoons of murder, which is fairly well understood, are not only legal, but desirable. This approach of annihilating all safe outlets for pedophiles has tragic consequences for both pedophiles and children.

A good way to test the accuracy of this claim would be to compare sexual assault rates per child in the united states and japan. I say this because japan has a famously permissive attitude toward pedophile themed cartoons and manga, while the united states decidedly does not. I predict that sexual assault on children in japan is lower adjusting for population differences etc, than in the united states.

We as a society need to realize that our actions have consequences and that sexuality is both a basic human need and an effect of the environment. If you starve someone long enough they will sometimes steal, or even kill to sate their hunger. Guilt and fear are not 100% reliable tools to prevent pedophiles from acting on their paraphillia. Thus 100% emphasis on humiliation and punishment is tantamount to causing child rape. We all share responsibility for this.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Understanding, Faith, and Gravity

This essay is in response to the video below.



Resisting the urge to explore why it is everything with an 'intellectual' feel has to be presented by someone with a smug English accent (Q Perhaps?) I'd like to explore a serious oversight with this position generally. IE that you must go the degree/education/peer review route to understand something with sufficient strength to attack it.

What they are saying amounts to you must be one of us before you an disagree with us, and if you were one of us you'd not disagree. That's sounds a bit familiar.

Understanding as a matter of faith.

I'll cut through all of it and restate what I hear in different ways whenever scientists like to talk about lay people attacking their work.

The basic claim is that before you can effectively attack a given view, you must first "understand" the view you are attacking. A rational version of this is to say that before you can write a program you must learn code.

That's all well and good but the way most scientists use this attack amounts to an intellectual pissing contest and pulling rank based on time investment rather than any sort of rational refutation or objection. This amounts to an argument from authority. (Your objection is invalid because I have a PHD.)

That may sound absurd on the surface, but consider what is meant by the word understand. All fields over lap at some point. We only live in the one reality. Every frog is connected to every star. Thus, true complete understand is impossible for us presently, perhaps totally if you're a fan of the uncertainty principal being a reflection of ontological reality. IE being unable to observe reality to such and such degree actually limits reality.

So you have to draw a line. You have to apply boundaries. Sometimes these boundaries are very clear, such as exploring the logic of a card game. But as set study shows us, its not always that simple. You can see this yourself when you start a conversation about dogs and end up talking about astrophysics. Dogs>park>park at night>stars.

The point is that you may completely understand something only within bounds, if at all, and where you apply those bounds is your choice ultimately. In addition, since context alters meaning, that understanding can be rendered useless with external and non conflicting data coming from outside those bounds.

Hypothetical: I've shot someone in the head. I'm also being tried for murder. You can fully understand both facts, but do you claim to completely understand the situation from those facts alone? What more data do you need? Consider the true scope of the question. To fully understand you'd have to perfectly master history and psychology at the very least, and perhaps the human brain if an insanity by mental defect defense is used, that would radiate out to physics since the brain is an electrochemical mechanism, and philosophy since you'd also have to define "person"See what I mean? You have to draw a line somewhere, and the key word is you.

So while the argument sounds good there is one insurmountable problem for claiming any scientific claim is totally objective. How you define "understand" and where you put boundaries are themselves subjective decisions.

For the record I don't care if I'm the only person who thinks this way. I don't care that you built a shuttle or this computer. Accomplishments don't denote absolute knowledge and agreement does not alter reality. Contrary to what O'Brian may claim he cannot levitate. But of course this is merely my belief, my faith if you will, in gravity.

Sure you may feel you have good reason, you may even feel you have evidence ,but the rule always applies, your understanding of those reasons and your understanding of that evidence is also subject to applied bounds and is therefor subjective. This extends to understandings of both refutation and prediction. The extends to understanding of experiments. This extends to the very nature of knowledge. Thus science, itself, in a very fundamental way, is subjective. Sound familier?

Ultimately science can be understood as a religion which changes its dogma based on interpertations of clergy derived from what they call experimentation, observation, and prediction.

To dismis this similarity with older faiths is dangerous to the integrity of science.

Reality is in fundamental paradox. There are questions that cannot be answer with the scientific method. But that's another paper.

My point is that I don't need complete understanding of a theory to attack it. It's like chopping down a tree, I don't need to see the whole tree to cut it down, the trunk will do.

If you're a scientist I'll let you make my arguments for me. What If I said understanding Christianity extends to memorizing the KJV bible letter for letter? What if I said you don't understand it enough to attack it or any claim it or I make about it until you have? Would you not immediately attack my definition of understanding? Would you not try to convince me or others that where I put my bounds is somehow invalid compared to where you put your bounds? What if I then said you didn't understand my definition of understand which I said stems from my understanding of the KJV?

We both rationally make the same claim: I don't need to read all your books and records to attack your claim.

The irony of scientists making this claim to religious people is staggering. Never forget, religion gave birth to science they will always be related, as both are effort to understand and predict a world that in some ways is forever mysterious, and unpredictable.

All of reality is in fundamental or harmonious paradox like this at same level.

All of knowledge is suspect (thanks Kant) and the degree to which we accept it is a matter of faith, that fact must be understood by scientists if they wish to avoid turning into a cult. This is both true and unprovable. Thanks Godel.

So I guess in closing what I'm saying is before science can attack religion it needs to understand philosophy and epistemology. :)

Bet the lab coats in the crowd are objecting already, and all I have in response is a question.

Are you sure you understand?

The war between religion and science is futile. It's the left and right had attacking the face. There is a derogatory slang term for that kind of behavior. Retarded.

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Why not the whatthefuckicord?

Alice Video - Animusic 2 - 03 - Resonant Chamber, a video from willowb. musique, animation, vidéo, Animusic, Chamber
Animusic 2 - 03 - Resonant Chamber




That device is perfectly possible though I can't say it would actually sound like that.

For example, one could simulate the effect by making it a midi player with robotic components keyed to certain instrument+note combinations and have the components react in kind.

Further down the line I could see a kind of "listen and tap" system where by the robots listen to an actual song, and pics it apart by note, and then does the same as above mapping and sorting.

Still further simply have an intelligent instrument capable of hearing a piece and duplicating it on itself.

All I see is a really complex printer with a sound element. Beautiful, faceted, but not fantastical. Indeed in some ways I'd say the CG of it was more difficult in the making than actually building it would be.

Once we bout it what should we call it? See title.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Let's see...

When I say centrifugal, I mean centrifugal! | Bad Astronomy | Discover Magazine
Brandon M. Sergent Says: Your comment is awaiting moderation.
November 11th, 2008 at 6:44 pm

Sergent’s Law: The Length of total comments on a “intellectual” post varies proportionally with the perceived prestige of the blog’s host.

Or put another way this is intellectual masturbation designed to distract the participants from real issues that require personal discomfort to solve, such as how you all would live if WalMart weren’t selling you products built with slave labor, while conversely making you feel oh so much better than the uneducated wretches “beneath” you. Ironically those very same slaves oh whose backs you live.

This is as absurd to me as a picard vs kirk debate. I mean really, how is this not just yet another idiotic human faction thing? What is at stake here other than ego? Just hire cheerleaders and complete the obvious pointlessness.

And deep down you all know it, which is why you’re having this debate on a discover magazine blog, if this were scientific American the comments would read like the library of congress.

Ra Ra Centripetal ! ! *backflip*

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

My favs.

Software Engineering Proverbs
It is not enough to do your best: you must know what to do, and THEN do your best.

-- W. Edwards Deming

A leader is best when people barely know that he exists.
Less good when they obey and acclaim him.
Worse when they fear and despise him.
Fail to honor people, and they fail to honor you.
But of a good leader, when his work is done, his aim fulfilled,
they will say, "We did this ourselves."

-- Lao-Tzu

You must be the change
You wish to see in the world

-- Gandhi

One test is worth a thousand opinions.

If something is worth doing once, it's worth building a tool to do it.

Monday, October 27, 2008

Collected Quotes from Albert Einstein


Collected Quotes from Albert Einstein

* "Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius -- and a lot of courage -- to move in the opposite direction."
* "Imagination is more important than knowledge."
* "Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love."
* "I want to know God's thoughts; the rest are details."
* "The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax."
* "Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one."
* "The only real valuable thing is intuition."
* "A person starts to live when he can live outside himself."
* "I am convinced that He (God) does not play dice."
* "God is subtle but he is not malicious."
* "Weakness of attitude becomes weakness of character."
* "I never think of the future. It comes soon enough."
* "The eternal mystery of the world is its comprehensibility."
* "Sometimes one pays most for the things one gets for nothing."
* "Science without religion is lame. Religion without science is blind."
* "Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new."
* "Great spirits have often encountered violent opposition from weak minds."
* "Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler."
* "Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen."
* "Science is a wonderful thing if one does not have to earn one's living at it."
* "The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources."
* "The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education."
* "God does not care about our mathematical difficulties. He integrates empirically."
* "The whole of science is nothing more than a refinement of everyday thinking."
* "Technological progress is like an axe in the hands of a pathological criminal."
* "Peace cannot be kept by force. It can only be achieved by understanding."
* "The most incomprehensible thing about the world is that it is comprehensible."
* "We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them."
* "Education is what remains after one has forgotten everything he learned in school."
* "The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing."
* "Do not worry about your difficulties in Mathematics. I can assure you mine are still greater."
* "Equations are more important to me, because politics is for the present, but an equation is something for eternity."
* "If A is a success in life, then A equals x plus y plus z. Work is x; y is play; and z is keeping your mouth shut."
* "Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the the universe."
* "As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain, as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality."
* "Whoever undertakes to set himself up as a judge of Truth and Knowledge is shipwrecked by the laughter of the gods."
* "I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones."
* "In order to form an immaculate member of a flock of sheep one must, above all, be a sheep."
* "The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead."
* "Too many of us look upon Americans as dollar chasers. This is a cruel libel, even if it is reiterated thoughtlessly by the Americans themselves."
* "Heroism on command, senseless violence, and all the loathsome nonsense that goes by the name of patriotism -- how passionately I hate them!"
* "No, this trick won't work...How on earth are you ever going to explain in terms of chemistry and physics so important a biological phenomenon as first love?"
* "My religion consists of a humble admiration of the illimitable superior spirit who reveals himself in the slight details we are able to perceive with our frail and feeble mind."
* "Yes, we have to divide up our time like that, between our politics and our equations. But to me our equations are far more important, for politics are only a matter of present concern. A mathematical equation stands forever."
* "The release of atom power has changed everything except our way of thinking...the solution to this problem lies in the heart of mankind. If only I had known, I should have become a watchmaker."
* "Great spirits have always found violent opposition from mediocrities. The latter cannot understand it when a man does not thoughtlessly submit to hereditary prejudices but honestly and courageously uses his intelligence."
* "The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and all science. He to whom this emotion is a stranger, who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead: his eyes are closed."
* "A man's ethical behavior should be based effectually on sympathy, education, and social ties; no religious basis is necessary. Man would indeeded be in a poor way if he had to be restrained by fear of punishment and hope of reward after death."
* "The further the spiritual evolution of mankind advances, the more certain it seems to me that the path to genuine religiosity does not lie through the fear of life, and the fear of death, and blind faith, but through striving after rational knowledge."
* "Now he has departed from this strange world a little ahead of me. That means nothing. People like us, who believe in physics, know that the distinction between past, present, and future is only a stubbornly persistent illusion."
* "You see, wire telegraph is a kind of a very, very long cat. You pull his tail in New York and his head is meowing in Los Angeles. Do you understand this? And radio operates exactly the same way: you send signals here, they receive them there. The only difference is that there is no cat."
* "One had to cram all this stuff into one's mind for the examinations, whether one liked it or not. This coercion had such a deterring effect on me that, after I had passed the final examination, I found the consideration of any scientific problems distasteful to me for an entire year."
* "...one of the strongest motives that lead men to art and science is escape from everyday life with its painful crudity and hopeless dreariness, from the fetters of one's own ever-shifting desires. A finely tempered nature longs to escape from the personal life into the world of objective perception and thought."
* "He who joyfully marches to music rank and file, has already earned my contempt. He has been given a large brain by mistake, since for him the spinal cord would surely suffice. This disgrace to civilization should be done away with at once. Heroism at command, how violently I hate all this, how despicable and ignoble war is; I would rather be torn to shreds than be a part of so base an action. It is my conviction that killing under the cloak of war is nothing but an act of murder."
* "A human being is a part of a whole, called by us _universe_, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings as something separated from the rest... a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty."
* "Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts." (Sign hanging in Einstein's office at Princeton)

Copyright: Kevin Harris 1995 (may be freely distributed with this acknowledgement)

Monday, October 20, 2008

Universal AutoCorrect.

Spellcheck autocorrect everywhere on the fly in the background and you can teach it to make it better.

1. Download + install Autohotkey.
2. Download + Doubleclick the Autocorrect Script.

Notice the little H on the task tray?

Now, in any application, like even Diablo 2, you have a good degree of automatic spellchecking.

To add your own simply highlight a misspelled word in any text box and hold down the windows key and hit h.

Someone give this man and the AHK people a medal.

Friday, October 10, 2008

Good Plan

ch930204.gif (GIF Image, 600x188 pixels)


Too bad irl the school security guard would taze him for insubordination.

Friday, September 12, 2008

Ta Da !

tadah_jesus.jpg (JPEG Image, 310x386 pixels) - Scaled (97%)



Cute.

But really, it never fails to amaze me how this logic doesn't bother some people.

Friday, September 5, 2008

Oh please...

t020art.jpg (JPEG Image, 400x370 pixels)



Behold, the lie they used to get a man like bill gates to build an evil empire and become the richest and one of the most powerful men who ever lived.

i mean seriously.

Intelligence isn't sexy. A half million dollar car is sexy. People who sell this lie are just trying to invest through sex. Take my word for it, on the rare occasions where a woman finds intelligence sexy, she'll still leave the man in the dust if he doesn't use that intelligence exclusively for fiscal gain.

Notice to lazy bitches: Instead of trying to fuck someone smart, pick up a publication that doesn't contain a list of "54 sexy things to do in bed that will ensure you never do anything for yourself ever again."

Monday, September 1, 2008

Spiders

Play With Spider - Flash 3D - OneMotion.com

Absolutely awesome. Enjoy a digital pet spider.

Customizable legs/body/movements, even remote control. And you can give him little bugs to eat. They appear to spawn dead, so don't feel bad for them.

I love spiders. I have them all over my house because I refuse to squish them, But, I don't have bug of any other kind, other than the stray moth.

I didn't remote control him because that would be killing him in my mind, I also was very gentle about pulling him around, I didn't try to yank his legs off or anything which I'm sure everyone else does.

Monday, August 25, 2008

We robot.




I spent a summer as Data. Trying to think like a compassionate rational machine for a whole summer as a child probably has a lot to do with the way i think now.

Good help is hard to find.



This is dedicated to my webev friends, may your customers be easy going, simple to please, and affluent beyond description.

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Wrong Card Triggers Realization

Ha! This brings up a valid point. I really have been thinking this way.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Schoolghost

http://www.kirotv.com/video/17131579/index.html


IMO It's a bug crawling on the dome of the camera. the "shadow" is just it partly blocking the light reflected from the floor. As an example put your finger up to your eye till its out of focus, no look at a light source, move your finger to obscure the light source slowly, you'll notice that its not a clean line between covered and uncovered, the light gets dimmer as more and more of the photos get absorbed by your finger.

You can do this to see "through" a pencil or a straightened paper clip.

For more information about how this works look up the double slit experiment, and the difference between coherent and incoherent light.

Mission Accomplished

Saturday, August 9, 2008

Two Face



And what happens when you tell the woman you're in love with after hopping off your bike because you sold it after quitting your job when you realized just how expensive the damn thing was, and you're 4k in debt from your jaunt across Europe?

Happily ever after or epic fail?

Which do you think is more likely?

Friday, August 8, 2008

Monday, August 4, 2008

Debate

Real debate is a holy thing. Real debate in my mind is the exploration of the validity of an idea between two parties interested in knowing and willing to act based on their findings. Debate is the essence of human value, it allows imagination to interact with intelligence. It is what allows the evolution of abstractions based on data received from reality. It is what allows humanity to act as a single organism.

It is the agent which we use to form our picture of existence in relation to our collective self.

A discussion is an exchange of ideas that does not include a willingness to change on one or both sides.

An argument is the desire to force the other side to conform to ones position regardless of the target's willingness.

There is no real debate of written or unwritten social policy in this country, nor in any other with a government as far as I can tell.

There is no real debate over who leads us or why the rich get to keep their inherited wealth like kings. There is no debate over why family life is structured as it is, there is no debate over tax itself being justified, or the attempted legislation of morality. Because real debate must include an opportunity for change in either direction based on said debate. Marijuana law is a standing example of debate being a bloody farce in this country. If real debate occurred it never would have been criminalized in the first place. Need I even mention the 9/11 investigation? Regardless of your position on that matter, you should be able to agree that at the very least there is significant public interest in the matter, and yet officially the book is closed.

I wish with every fiber of my being that debate were existent in this world. But so long as we are paralyzed with fear greed jealousy and willful ignorance, it cannot. I believe that fear is at the heart of what it is to be human, hence my transhumanism.

Monday, July 28, 2008

Ego search leads to rape chat.

So I read about cuil.com and decided to search my name.

And I found this...

"Rape is rape, if someone doesnt want to have sex and they are forced into it, thats what it is, wether a state defines it that way or not"

And What I have to say to this person is as follows. Let it be known honey that if you reply its going on this page. Feel free to comment but I'm not in the mood to debate you privately.

Rape is rape you say, and yet I'm sure you've made a drop the soap joke at least once in your life.

Rape is a political bargaining chip by and large and the unpopular fact is it simply would not occur nearly as often if women didn't choose to hang around aggressive atavistic muscle bound alpha thugs due to perceived sexual ability.

I'm not saying rape is the woman's fault, but its not the man's fault 100% either. The myth of the innocent victim princess has got to die. The majority of rape involving a female in the west is not preceded by home invasion.

If you hang with thugs and gang bangers and beer happy frat boys and inked up pill head hair dye musicians because you still want to piss off daddy by bedding liberty spikes you're gunna pay for it eventually. Play with fire, get burned.

Rape is a feminazi buzzword these days more than anything, when it needs to be just another crime. Why can't I get a security escort to my car? Oh right because being shot in the face for my wallet is not near as bad as being raped. I'm tired of being a second class citizen just because I have a penis.

I must say you couldn't cut the irony here with a chainsaw.

Fact is, most of you probably don't care that harmless pot head men are raped daily at shiv point after having their teeth knocked out. You're far more concerned about some little tease that let Johnny frat boy and company buy her enough booze to kill a rhino and then magically wakes up with her skirt lifted.

Are you even aware of the simple fact that more men in the united states are raped than women? And please bear in mind that when a man gets raped its never in a hole that's designed for entry of any kind. I'll venture to say that torture heavy serial killers aside, prison rape is a billion times worse then anything a women is likely to encounter on the outside.

So please get over yourselves. Sure, rape is horrid, but until I see some hate for it across the board, this whole discussion will remind me of bigots and GRID.

"The degree of civilization in a society can be judged by entering its prisons." - Fyodor Dostoevsky

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Ending and beginnings

Things change.

Axioms are uncovered, and I find myself with a job and without work.

No life's work anymore.

You cannot be convinced.

Could I honestly talk you into anything you did not already believe?

It comes down to trust, trust in people and trust in your perceptions.

I can't make you trust me, and without that nothing I say or even show you matters.

You have no choices. You can not be enlightened. You either are or are not. Timing is irrelevant and an illusion.

Do you know what things mean? No choice. Who you are as a person is a function of choices you never made, choices made for you at the instant of the universe's inception.

It's been said before. This is not news. Electrons behave in a predictable way or a random way. Either way, you choices are the same. Governed, or random, both meaningless with regard to who you are because you do not exist.

I have spent my adult life talking to the dead.

What does a philosopher do when it finds the answer?

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Zero

**under construction**

Abstract: Math is a silly linguistic religion. A neat little puzzle system that is just close enough to reality to confuse the shit out of people into believing it IS reality. Divide by zero being my main demonstration of this.

They say Chuck Norris can divide by zero, well dammit I think I can as well.

This article was written in response to a comic, which reminded me of countless discussion I have had on the subjects of mathematics.

Take Imaginary Numbers for instance. Hehe, the whole mathematics system is an abstraction, so I ask you, imaginary as opposed to what? Can someone mail me the number 2? Now I realize where they are going. It's a valid set distinction, but whats up with that name? How obtuse and narrow do you have to be to see that imaginary as a label inside an abstract system is hilariously silly?

My favorite example. Divide by zero. Total bullshit in my opinion. A grand example of indecisiveness, and inflexibility. A proof that the system is broken, and needs to be replaced or repaired.

Like a house with a missing bathroom. "Just don't open that door, yes the house is perfect and complete, so long as you don't open that door, opening that door is an "illegitimate operation".

I see where they are getting it of course, I'm not a moron. The simplest explanation I ever got was written in math. 5 x 1 = 5, 5 x 0 = 0, 5 / 1 = 5, 5 / 0 = “undefined”

Is everything the opposite of nothing? Is anything the opposite of nothing? This is clearly a complex thought, and that complexity is the root of my argument. In one regard something, anything, is the opposite of nothing, in that nothing is the absence of presence and something is the presence of presence. But in another regard infinite is the opposite of nothing. Think of a void. Now think of an anti-void being made of infinitely dense matter, extending in all directions for an infinite distance . How much rock is there? Infinite. See what I mean?

The point I'm trying to make here is that the answer is a philosophical one and math people present it as an objective provable settled truth. They gloss over it like we gloss over freewill. Only we have a good reason. Society itself would collapse if we didn't. Math collapsing is not all that tragic since we have alternatives.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_New_Kind_of_Science

We have a word for when people present a belief as an objective fact without being able to prove if. Religion.

And don't give me the proofs of division by zero being "non-sense". To me they merely add to my point. Take the following for example.

0x1=0, 0x2=0, (0x1=0x2)/0, 1=2

Wiki puts it thusly... “The fallacy is the implicit assumption that dividing by 0 is a legitimate operation with 0 / 0 = 1. “

Now, to my mind, it zero exists, which it clearly must, even as a placeholder for non-existence, then subtracting that placeholder becomes an attack on the system itself. IE it stops being zero and becomes "actual" nothing, or something representing nothing in a higher system.

I've read all that. They are invalid because my argument is the whole system of mathematics is flawed from the foundation up, thus using it to prove itself is exactly like saying the bible is infallible because the bible says its infallible and since its infallible it must be right when it says its infallible.

It's like this. How many 1s are in 5? 5. How many 0s are in five? It's gotta be infinite or none. Infinity or 0, the end. We're dealing with the ends of the road here. The place where the system breaks down.

How many times can I subtract zero from five before five can no longer supply zeros? Infinite. How many zeros can I add 0 to zero before the total value exceeds or reaches 5? Infinite.

We're talking about the thing which makes nothing different from something. This is philosophy, not math. If we could truly understand the thing that makes something different from nothing then we should be able to use that to develop a way to manifest imaginary object in non-imaginary space.

To me this is a great idea for a story, that could tie in magic and arcane formulas and demon summoning and "real" magic etc, and all thats cool, but its got no place being on a course requirement.

The system is just broken, or a new number needs to be invented. A number that is both zero and infinite at the same time. I propose we name this number Mu, or Zen. This "undefined" crap is elitist garbage. Doubly so since Math has a serious fetish for eponyms.

It's like building a car on paper and then discovering the wheels overlap the frame.

You don't just name the problem and keep going, you fix it or you start over.

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Transformers: For The Record.

This is a repost from my SU blog. It is in response to yet another film school wannabe trashing Michael Bay's Transformers. A phenomena that royally pisses me off for some reason.

-----

Don't tell me what I should and shouldn't like you elitist shit bag.

Sure, I could have done with out stripper mistress car thief...

...producing yet another round of dick hoops, and the army apparently being required for Optimus Prime to save the day, (LMAO) but the movie other then that kicked ass, for one simple reason.

It was a bunch of robots fighting!


I don't know what you did with transformers, but I made mine fly around and kick eachother's asses. And I'll tell you, the plot behind the epic duels consisted of little more than one robot deciding that the other needs to DIE DIE DIE SHOOOM POW! BSHHHHHHHH WHOOOMMMMMmmmm... PEW PEW PEW,

Savvy?

I did not go to see transformers expecting gone with the wind, ok? And if you did, you need your eyes scooped out with a melon baller.

Speaking as a child of the 80s, and an only child at that, which means plenty of toy time, the movie fucking rocked.

I still get misty seeing bumblebee in his full glory trying to communicate, and then later asking to stay.

Come on, was that not EVERY boy's fantasy? Your own transformer?

Sure, I would have loved a CGI shot for shot remake of the cartoon movie, Unicron would have been godlike, but Spock is probably busy,Orson wells is dead, and the music of today SUCKS.

Really listen to the lyrics of the music from the first transformers movie, sure it was 80s dated hair metal goodness, but it was all about inner strength and fighting the good fight, not like today's putrid vomit about how best to acquiesce to unreasonable princess demands, or generally excel at being a preening douche bag.

All things considered, Bay's movie rocked. And I can't wait to see the next one.

"But... Its not marketed as trendy and different. Its not alienating my chosen counter group. I can't talk about it seeing it first at Cannes over my soy mocha latte no foam half cafs. And more then four people not like me like it, therefor it sucks."

Those that disagree suck cock by choice. Get off my internet, you whiny, jaded, spoiled, insecure, consumer slaves.

If you hate the movie so much, without even seeing it I might add, news flash, it's not mandatory.

P.S. I captured and hosted the below image myself. If you can look at that and tell other people it sucks with a straight face, I suggest running for congress given that you clearly have the required brain damage.



Win.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

The Liberty of Complaint.

“Quit complaining, these people aren't being paid.”

That drivel is shoved at anyone who has a problem with a piece of open source software, and dares to point it out in a free support setting. It comes in a billion forms and is close friends with another foul concept called assumed knowledge, the idea that because something is free you are due no explanation of its workings.

My complaint is with open source developers generally. There's this huge attitude of entitlement that I see and would like to expose and annihilate. Just because the software is free, the developers feel they are entitled to a complaint free experience. This does not flow logically. The fact that most people miss this and other simple logical consequences derived from their own stated axioms is not surprising, logic hasn't been a part of American education for quite some time, and even when it was, it was a college level math adjunct.

It's simple. If you offer something up, you've accepted the responsibility for it. Kinda like burden of proof, if you make the claim, you have to back it up. This applies to software because your time is not a donation in any real sense. No act is selfless, or occurs in a vacuum. The primary motivation for development of software is pride and vanity. Development is an exercise of vanity, not charity. So cherish the thanks that you get but don't scorn the complaints as if they're somehow out of place for being made. As if because you didn't charge a fee to the complainer, no one has a right to point out issues and ask for repair.

If you try to get your name famous with software, you're going to get complaints, and since your goal was pride (else why put your name on it) then you need to see there is a price to be paid. You have a responsibility to live up to your claims. That claim being, in case you were wondering, the problem you wrote the software to solve. If it does not absolutely solve the problem, then you are going to get legitimate complaints. As opposed to complaints like “it wont do my laundry”.

In my opinion true open source software is actually quite rare. How much of it out there is truly public domain? Most of it seems restricted. Most software called “open source” usually just operates on a vanity economy. The number 13 is open source. I can sell it, no one owns it and I can modify it to my heart's content. What the majority of people call open source is a big step in the right direction but it is not above complaint.

Most software has an owner. Sure its free, but then again so were those AOL discs.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

My possible answer to the Fermi Paradox.

Imagine the singularity, and how fast it is happening. Now think of the Amish. What would happen to the Amish if transhumanity exploded around them?

Would transhumanity hurt them? Force transhumanity on them? No. We'd take care of them, allow them to live their lives as they choose, and accept strays, maybe even protect them from asteroids and gamma pulses and the like. We would do the right thing.

What if this already happened? What if the stories of Atlantis and the old gods and the pyramids were true to some extent, a prehistoric technological society that reached singularity and abandoned the planet, but saw many dense pockets of humanity obsessed with staying as they were.

Maybe we're living in a nature preserve, fenced and protected and that why SETI sees nothing, and why it looks so very much like we're alone. Maybe we're not. Maybe the grays are zoo visitors. Maybe the angels we claim to see are game wardens, and maybe the light at the end of the tunnel is just the exhibit's exit.

I say we try to find the glass so that we may tap on it.

Sure Occam's razor cuts this to shreds, but the answer can't always be simple, can it? Seems arrogant to think so, given just HOW simple our idea of simple is.

Just a thought.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Nationstates.

The Issue

Workers across the nation have gone out on indefinite strike over what they claim are substandard wages in the Book Publishing industry.
The Debate

1. "We are the backbone of this country, and we demand a fair wage rise!" says union leader Zeke Longbottom. "I don't think a 20% increase over two years is too much to ask. Unless the government forces employers to give us our due, we'll shut this whole industry down! Let's see how well Innomina's economy manages without any Book Publishing, huh?"


2. "We pay our employees very generous wages," says employer representative Buy Silk. "Especially when you consider that without us, they'd be OUT ON THE STREET. Hear that, you scumbags? OUT ON THE STREET! Anyway, my point is, if you cave in, you make our entire industry uncompetitive. You can't do that in the global marketplace. It'll hurt the whole country. The best solution, economically speaking, would be to relax industrial laws and allow us to fire troublemakers on the spot."


How about an option that supports PDAs and ebooks?

The Issue

The increasingly militant Animal Liberation Front struck again last night, freeing dozens of chickens bound for delicious snack packs.
The Debate

1. "These nuts have got to be stopped," demands concerned consumer Fleur Shiomi. "They need to face the fact people want snack packs, no matter how many innocent chickens must be sacrificed. Besides, chickens would do the same to us if they had the chance."


2. "These Liberationists are highlighting an important issue," pleads Anne-Marie Dodinas. "Too often, animals are put through needless cruelty, just to make their flesh taste a little more deliciously succulent. I'm sure we could ban the more horrific abuses without putting too much of a dent in our national obesity figures. Couldn't we?"


3. "Animals have feelings too!" yelled protestor Al Frederickson, before being set upon by hungry passers-by. "Free the animals! Ban meat-eating!"


4. Economist Beth Jones has an alternative. "You don't need to take away the people's right to choose. You just need to build the costs of animal suffering into the price. A tax on meat-eating, in proportion to the amount of cruelty involved, would do the trick. Plus think of the benefit for the national coffers! Of course, poor people wouldn't be able to afford meat, but that's just more incentive for them to get jobs."


How about an option to begin development of invitromeats?

Monday, May 12, 2008

My Psych Evaluation

In keeping with my diagnosis of Narcissistic personality disorder, I've decided that my psychological profile is so awesome and important that everyone in the world must see it lol.

Here it is people, my psych evaluation.

I am not impressed. For one I am misquoted several times and we're not talking about tiny errors, we're talking about total sentence confusion and complete misunderstanding.

I'll be adding correction in double parins, the rest is maintained verbatim as far as I know, if you find errors let me know.

Scans of the original document will be linked.

PSYCHOLOGICAL EVALUATION •

All information and the results herein are based upon information gathered from the claimant and the evaluation process and have not been independently validated. The nature and purpose of the examination were discussed and he agreed to proceed.

CHIEF COMPLAINT:
Brandon Sergent presented as a twenty-eight-year-old, single, Caucasian male who was referred for a Psychological Evaluation by the Department for Disability Determination Services. Per the referral form, he complains of difficulties with "cerebral palsy, deformities of the right band and foot, social anxiety, dyslexia and other phobias." ((This is not at all how I put it, but it is generally accurate)) When asked what was keeping him from maintaining employment, Mr. Sergent stated, "For one, every time. I apply for a job, they look at the handwriting and say, 'Seven year old.' Then they say, 'Next.' I can't drive. Cars freak me out. I don't talk to people. I have pretty significant philosophical differences from most people. The things I like thinking about are large-scale stuff ((This term I used was “macroscopic systems”))...I'm not really interested in small-scale stuff. " Mr. Sergent did not indicate when he first noticed affective difficulties other than "when I . was a toddler." ((She asked me when my problems began directly after a physical series of questions, I assumed she was asking about my CP)) The claimant had been working as a janitor ((maintenance, please.)) in a nursing home. He last worked January, 18, 2008 and quit working because he "was too tall for the floor buffer." ((Yea, there was a lot more too it than that. See my post on the subject. )) He stated his employer then moved him to "mopping. ((I was never moved and I never said I was moved, I was a mop guy from the outset.)) That entailed. walking ten miles a day. I could do that if I had a day to rest in between but I had to do that every day." He stated additionally "I tried to help the residents because they asked me to and it wasn't my job, I think they deserve to sleep through the day if they want to." ((This sentence is a bizarre composite, again see my post)) There have not been further attempts to return to work. ((I've actually applied to several places since then, I can only speculate why I haven't gotten interviews.))

Psychological Evaluation
page 2 of 7
He denies ever receiving disability benefits. He believes that both physiological and psychological difficulties are impairing his ability to sustain employment. ((Put more correctly I believe a combination of them are to blame. No single problem stops me.))

BEHAVIORAL OBSERVATION:
Brandon Sergent presented as a twenty-eight-year-old, single Caucasian male. He is reportedly 6' 4" and weighs 225 pounds. ((I was off by 8 pounds)) He has brown hair and blue eyes. His father drove him to the appointment. He completed the questionnaire and interview alone. He was clean, neat, and appropriately dressed. ((Awww, why thank you)) He was alert and oriented in all spheres. ((Actually the whole thing took places in a series of cubes with doors but whatever.)) No particular difficulties with hearing were noted. ((on the part of the subject anyway, apparently the woman testing me can't hear too well)) He does wear glasses and did so during this evaluation. Eye contact was appropriate. No difficulties were noted with fine- or gross-motor coordination. Mr. Sergent stated ((And showed her, I wear step ins.))he wears a size 12 shoe on his left foot and a size 8.5 shoe on his right foot. However, he was not noted to have difficulty navigating the office and sat and arose with no apparent difficulty. He was noted to be right-hand dominant. His general activity level was age and task appropriate. Suicidal ideation, homicidal ideation, substance abuse, hallucinations, and delusions were all denied. He stated he has had suicidal thoughts in the past, "but never, seriously." Rapport was adequately established for the purpose of this evaluation. ((The woman was a robot.)) Speech was generally relevant and coherent. His affect was appropriate, within appropriate limits and mood-congruent. There were no indications of psychotic process and thought process was unremarkable. Insight and judgment appear good. His overall attitude with the assessment situation was appropriate and he maintained a presentation of good effort and interest. It is believed that Mr. Sergent presented in a manner consistent with his abilities; therefore, the following results are believed to be an accurate estimate of his current level of functioning. ((So I'm not a liar, awesome.))

HISTORY
Brandon Sergent is an only child and was raised in the Ashland, Kentucky area by his biological parents. History is negative for abuse and neglect. He currently resides in the Ashland, Kentucky area with a male roommate. He has never married and has no children. ((Bet they think I'm gay, everyone else my age in this town is married or paying child support.))

He completed high school and reports he received special education classes. ((Only in middle school)) He stated he was in LD classes and AP classes. He attended some college ((56 credit hours and 3 years, she makes it sound like I went there one summer)) and stated he quit because he disagreed with the board. ((Wow, there is SO much more to that, and I explained it in detail.))He reported he was president of the Student Government Association while attending Ashland Community and Technical College. "Anytime I wanted to speak to the students, I had to clear it with the board. ((This is a literal truth, mass emailing was strictly controlled and there was no school paper, and public presentations had to be cleared.)) The comparative religion class put up a Buddhist Shrine and took it down because he (the college president) said it was religious. ((I refer to him as Adkins, because that's his name.)) They also deleted my major twice. I didn't go back. I would love to finish my degree but I will have to do it somewhere else." ((tuition has gone up every single year, and I've exhausted my work study funds and the secondary grant you get for having a high GPA, there aren't scholarships for atheist white single men who are not soldiers, felons, or aspiring CEOs)) He repeated the first grade. ((For “Social reasons”. )) Difficulties with sustaining attention- and behavioral disturbance during his schooling were endorsed. ((ADHD, Ritalin)) He stated be quit school because he "got tired of being beaten up. ((Three broken bones in 1.1 years, all at school. Rednecks HATE being made to look like idiots. Why think when you can hit. )) I got my GED a year before my graduating class graduated.” ((They forced me to wait)) Per his report, he has no difficulty conducting basic financial management necessary to purchase groceries, household goods, and pay bills. ((My credit score is like 618, pretty good for someone with almost no income.)) The claimant had been working as a janitor in a nursing home. He last worked January 18, 2008 and quit working because he "was too tall for the floor buffer." ((Didn't we cover this?)) He stated his employer then moved him to "mopping. That entailed walking ten miles a day, I could do that if I had a day to rest in between but I had to do that every day." He stated additionally "I tried to help the residents because they asked me to and it wasn't my job. I
think they deserve to sleep through the day if they want to."

Brandon Sergent
Psychological Evaluation
Page 3 of 7

There have not been further attempts to return to work. ((Again, no one will interview me.)) He denies ever receiving disability benefits. He believes that both physiological and psychological difficulties are impairing his ability to sustain employment. ((combination))

History is reportedly positive for legal difficulties in that Mr. Sergent stated, "A long time ago...my friend stole some Nintendo 64 controllers and brought them to my house. He got in trouble and I got receiving stolen property. I had to write a letter of apology. Also when I was trying to force myself to learn to drive, I got pulled over. It was totally unrelated to anything I did.. It was the car."

Per the referral, form, he complains of difficulties with "cerebral palsy, deformities of the right hand and foot, social anxiety, dyslexia and other phobias." When asked what was keeping him from maintaining employment, Mr. Sergent stated, "For one, every time I apply for a job, they look at the handwriting and say, 'Seven year old.' Then they say, 'Next.' I can't drive. Cars freak me out. I was in a car wreck as a toddler and everybody else got broken bones, I didn't get any thing but it freaked me out. I don't talk to people. I know it's irrational but I feel like I'm constantly being judged, constantly bothering them. That makes it hard to be proactive and go do anything. I worked three years in a lab and that was heaven. ((Work study))P eople had 'to come to me so I didn't have to worry about bothering them. Every other job...feel like I have to sell them stuff...My last ((actually it was my first)) job... got fired because I wouldn't `up-sell.' I have pretty significant philosophical differences from most people. ((Well, I do.))They'll talk about NASCAR or church and I'm just not interested and I feel like they feel like I'm nervous. I have a book...self-published...I have a blog. The things I like thinking about are large-scale stuff...I'm not really interested in small-scale stuff." ((See above)) Mr. Sergent did not indicate when he first noticed affective difficulties other than "when I was -a toddler:" He stated he has no problem riding in vehicles with others at this time. “I don't want. to be responsible for crushing someone. I don't want to be mangled. I was hoping someone . would try to help me find a job.. I'm a certified locksmith. I put that on my resume and mom said, `well they probably don't trust you because locks won't keep you out.' I get so mad with people. They upset me so much that it messes with my digestive system." ((True)) Mr. Sergent stated he also has Borderline Personality Disorder: When asked how he knew this and if he had been diagnosed . with this disorder, he stated he has never been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder but has taken "all those cute tests online." He then continued, "I'm aware that others may see me as that. I have the extremism, black and white perception. I do that, it either is or not. Gray areas are just a way of saying indecision."

History is negative for psychiatric hospitalization and psychotherapy. He is not currently in treatment Mr. Sergent stated at first that he did not think he would benefit from treatment. "I'm too opinionated." He then stated, "I don't know, maybe." He is not prescribed any psychotropic medications. He reportedly was prescribed Ritalin "for a long time" as a child, There is no evidence of self-injurious or suicidal behaviors by the claimant at this time.

Prenatal and developmental histories are remarkable in that he reported he was born "at least" one month early. He stated he was in an incubator for an unknown period of time and that his mother "blames the doctor for my having CP." ((Really, she just mixed and matched a bunch of things I said.)) He stated he was delayed in walking due to "CP on my right side." Additionally, he stated he had several broken bones as a child. (( Three were in high school. )) "Four major broken bones and some toes and ribs. I broke my left wrist two times, my right wrist one time ((Form being pushed.)) and my left arm one time." His report of the behaviors that led to the injuries is striking for someone who was reportedly traumatized as a toddler and is afraid of most things. ((I never said anything even approaching that, I just said I don't like cars and cold calling.))

History is negative for head injury and seizures. There are no known drug allergies. He has had a toenail surgically removed. Other medical conditions reportedly include cerebral palsy. There are no other medications prescribed. He stated he takes Advil for pain, illicit and/or N drug use, past or present, was denied. He consumes approximately one caffeinated beverage daily. He denies the use of tobacco products. He reported alcohol use as "a couple of shots of bourbon when I'm playing cards with friends." He gets exercise by bike riding. "I ride my bike everywhere." Sleep is reportedly ten hours per night. ((Sometimes, sometimes 3-5, honestly, this chick is starting to upset me.))

Appetite appears adequate. ((I have no idea how she would note this expect that maybe I look fat? lol))

Currently, a typical day includes "general maintenance and computer." He does not have any regular, structured activities. Social interactions, per his report, are limited in that "people scare and disgust me. I avoid them. ((I have enough friends and they tend to betray the shit out of you so I'm letting them drop away one at a time until I only ave REAL friends left))" However, he stated he plays cards with friends frequently ((Two friends, and I recently stopped going over there.)). He is psychologically able to conduct daily housecleaning, personal hygiene, and can go to the grocery store independently as needed. Mr. Sergent reports good interpersonal relationships with family members ((The two I see regularly anyway.)) and some prior supervisors and coworkers. He demonstrates the ability to sustain attention to tasks and to complete tasks in a timely fashion. ((Tasks like assembling blocks and and doing simple math.))

TEST RESULTS:
Sergent was administered 11 subtexts of the Wechsler Adult Intelligence Scale-Third Edition (WAIS-III) from which his IQ and Index scores were derived. Mr. Sergent's general cognitive ability is in the High Average range of intellectual functioning, as measured by the Wechsler Adult Intelligence Scale -Third Edition (WAIS-III). His overall thinking and reasoning abilities exceed those of approximately 87% of adults his age (FSIQ 117; 95% Confidence Interval,113-121). The following are his obtained scores: ((Removed due to OCR errors, see original scans))

His verbal reasoning abilities, as measured by the Verbal IQ, are in the High Average range and above those of approximately 86.0% of his peers (VIQ –116, 95% Confidence Interval I1.1 - 120). On the verbal reasoning subtests, Mr. Sergent obtained his highest score on the Vocabulary subtest. His performance on this subtest differs significantly from his Verbal subtest mean score and suggests that this is the area of most pronounced strength in Mr. Sergent's profile of verbal reasoning abilities. His strong performance on the Vocabulary subtest is much better than that of most adults his age. Mr. Sergent's Verbal Comprehension Index score is generally comparable to his Verbal IQ score. On the Verbal Comprehension. Index, Mr. Sergent's performance is much better than that of his peers. His ability to understand and respond to verbally presented material is equal to or exceeds that of 96.0% of others his age (VCI = 126, 95% Confidence Interval 119-131).

His nonverbal reasoning abilities, as measured by the Performance IQ, are in the High Average range and better than those of approximately 86.0% of his peers (PIQ 116, 95% Confidence Interval 108-122). On the nonverbal reasoning subtests, Mr. Sergent obtained his highest score on the Block Design subtest. His performance differs significantly from his Nonverbal subtest mean score and suggests that this is the area of most pronounced strength in Mr. Sergent's profile of nonverbal reasoning abilities. Much better than that of most of his peers, Mi. Sergent's performance demonstrates very strong abilities on the Block Design subtest; On the Perceptual Organization Index, Mr. Sergent performed better than 92.0% of his peers (POT = 121, 95% Confidence Interval $112-127). However, his abilities are variable, with his performance suggesting unevenly developed skills in this area.

His ability to think with words is comparable to his ability to reason without the use of words. Both Mr. Sergent's verbal reasoning and nonverbal reasoning abilities are in the High Average. range. On the basis of his WAIS-III performance, Mr. Sergent's verbal comprehension skills and
his nonverbal reasoning abilities are comparable. ((Remember this part, its funny later.)) Relative to his peers, Mr. Sargent exhibits. strengths across all domains.

On the WRAT-4, Mr. Sergent obtained a standard score of 110 on Word Reading, which is within the 75th percentile and equivalent to a grade =we of >12.9. On Spelling he obtained a 98
standard score, which is in the 45th percentile and equivalent to grads score of 12.7. The standard score of 93 on Math Computation is equivalent to the 32nd percentile and a grade score of 8.8. With the exception of his score on Math Computation, these scores are concomitant with his obtained WAIS-III scores.

The figures produced for the House-Tree-Person suggest withdrawal tendencies, inadequacy feelings and rejection of the home and home life. ((I suppose thats fair.)) There are also indications of regression and infantile aggressive, assaultive tendencies. ((And yet I haven't been in a fight since middle school.))

The REY 15-Item "Memory" Test is a nonverbal memory task, which is designed to determine the validity of complaints of memory impairment. The task consists of a 10 second exposure to five rows of three characters, and the subject is instructed to recall all of the 15 items in order to provide the impression that the task is difficult Results of research on this task have indicated that with, the exception of those with severe brain injury or mental retardation, individuals recall a minimum three of five sets of characters, If a subject recalls fewer than three sets, it can be deduced that the person has exerted inadequate effort and motivation. Mr. Sergent recalled five of the five sets, which indicates that there was not an attempt to exaggerate his symptoms on this instrument.

Mr. Sergent reports symptoms indicative of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. ((But I thought I was superior across all domains, so whats pathological about knowing I'm superior?)) These symptoms include a grandiose sense of self-importance((Can you prove I'm not enlightened? It seems you would have to to justify this positive claim of NPD)), a belief he can only be understood by, or associate with, other special or high-status people((Is that believe not justified by the whole psychiatric community? Do they not sell us the idea that only they have the REAL answers?)), a lack of empathy((Bullshit, my whole driving goal is the elimination of pain for my entire species,)), and a history of interpersonal difficulties. It is the opinion of this clinician that Mr. Sergent's perception of fearing and not liking people is more related to his personality dysfunction than an affective disturbance, but he is interpreting it as affective disturbance. ((To my understanding as a result of looking it up, Affective disturbance (AD) refers to feelings of anxiety or sadness, or both. Do you see the logic trap there? ))

While the WRAT-4 is a screening instrument and is not suitable for diagnosing learning disabilities, his obtained scores on the arithmetic portion of this instrument suggest that possibility and that further testing may reveal he has a mathematics disorder. Therefore a rule-out for Mathematics Disorder is also offered.
DIAL TIC S ON:
Axis I: V71.09 No diagnosis
R/O Mathematics Disorder

Axis 301.81 Narcissistic Personality Disorder
Axis IH: Per claimant report: Cerebral Palsy
Axis IV: Occupational
Axis V: • GAF: 74
P,ROGNM:

History is negative for psychiatric hospitalization and psychotherapy. He is not currently in treatment. Mr. Sergent stated at first that he did not think he would benefit from treatment "I'm too opinionated." He then stated, "I don't know, maybe." ((Definitely not now since apparently they'd try to “cure” what little self esteem I have left)) He is not prescribed any psychotropic mediation, He reportedly was prescribed Ritalin "for a lone time" as a child. There is no evidence of self-injurious or suicidal behaviors by the claimant at this time. ((Actually I was a cutter and have scars all up my left forearm, eheheh, a relic of my Goth/Emo roots))

Based upon clinical findings, while it is believed his symptoms are primly characterological in nature and will resist change, they are not severe enough to preclude his obtaining and maintaining some form of gainful employment. Prognosis is good.

Based solely upon objective findings and the results of this evaluation, it is the clinical opinion of this examiner that Mr. Sergent is not psychologically limited in his ability to function in an occupational capacity. ((Sweet, wonder if they'd hire me.)) He demonstrates the ability to understand and remember simple instructions, There is no evidence of a disturbance in sustained concentration and/or persistence.

Although Mr. Sergent stated he has a "fear" of people and does not socialize, he had no difficulty conversing with. the clinician and stated he plays cards with friends frequently. ((Two friends whom I've known for 10 years or more)) It is believed that Mr. Sergent has the resources available to adapt and respond appropriately to pressures normally found in the day-to-day work setting.

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Open letter to pretty girls...

Open letter to pretty girls in America who are under the impression that they are not spoiled, and have worked hard and through pluck and determination got where they are and how they look had nothing to do with it.

I don't care how hard you work in America, from a global perspective even abject poverty here is spoiled. No one starves to death or dies of thirst here, ever. No child dies crawling to a UN camp with visions of rice in his head.

If you are a pretty “girl” then even among Americans, you are spoiled. Your face gets you jobs. As a pretty girl you've had your ass kissed your whole life, in ways you're totally unaware of thanks to no contrast. You assume that when I say that I'm attacking you personally, but the irony is that that thought indicates your egotism. It's not about you. It's about society. You wish to live in a Horatio Alger mythology of strength and self determination, but nothing occurs in a vacuum. Where you end up largely depends on what you started with. You are an attractive young woman by definition of who this letter is aimed at. Live up to the advantages this affords you. I don't care what you want to be real. I'm telling you what is real. You got favors and they are so ubiquitous in your life that you cant even see them anymore. Since before you could talk the adults cooed over you and uttered words like beautiful adorable precious, words that are feminine in their lack of use towards men and boys. Well last time I checked these words are gender neutral, why do boys feel uncomfortable being called beautiful adorable and precious? Because they, unlike you, have been conditioned to be working slave hulk soldiers who are handsome tough and strong. So that women don't feel bad ordering them about.

It's like the forest for the trees. You don't see the problem for two clear reasons. 1. You're not built for logic. 2. You're too close to it. You're in the middle you have no perspective or frame of reference. The only time pretty women learn is later in life when they aren't so pretty. These women usually become bitter wives, endlessly worried about some “young slut/whore” stealing “her man”. And deep down she knows this is an extreme possibility because thats how she landed him int eh first place. Half of all marriages fail because men marry for sex, and women marry for money and sex appeal fades, and money gets spent. Marriage is and always has been a work around for prostitution. A tool by which the state and the church sell sex in exchange for power instead of money.

You wish to pretend equality, and then bitch about mistreatment, because if you owned up to your power you'd then have responsibility for its use, which is the LAST thing you want and I don't blame you. If I had your kind of power and then failed as miserably as you have I'd be in denial too. Many of you when pressed about life style justification fall back to individual liberty, and spend the rest of the argument talking about “your” body and “your” choices. But you never seem to understand that your choices do not occur alone. What you do with your body has an impact on society. If you choose to do nothing with it beyond forward your own interests, you must admit to social negligence. Every man is like his father, Yay for the Y. Every man has a father, there for every criminal, every murderer, every rapist statistically speaking was subsidized one generation ago by a woman. Women churn out Barbie dolls and monsters. Men have very little say, and are losing even more.

Walk around outside. Pretty women are usually driving or being driven. You'd think cloning was in full swing. Look at the teens and 20 somethings. It's like the pink toy isle out there. Its all cargo pants and belly shirts. Your greed and jealousy is making society homogeneous. Men only want to be fed and fucked and loved. They'll settle for two out of three, and will do nearly anything to get it. Women have capitalized on this forever, knowing that no matter what happens they'll win. Smart and brutal men, just as in need of loving and fucking and food have capitalized on both so assure they get loved and fucked and fed first. These men are the priests, the kings and the magnates. Worked well didn't it.

Women blame men for war and violence, but competition is the real root, and competition is demanded by women, not men. Competition is greed. Competition is jealousy. Men are unfaithful pigs? Men are willing to share. Men don't use the words slut and whore NEAR as often as women. Put it all together girls. You're shitting in your kitchen, and blaming men for the smell.

Men behaving as they do is in the majority your collective fault because we do not live in a rape culture. After 200 years pretty girls still pick brutal alpha males. The ideal of 100% personal responsibility is absurd, grow up. Life is not fair, and unless we work to change it, it will stay that way. Pretty women complaining about men sounds to me very much like the prince of Saudi Arabia complaining about the poor in Africa. "If only they worked as hard as I have, they'd have 38 diamond studded cars too". Are you getting the point yet?

Bet not, but you're talking shit about me in your head and have been from the start. "What? Thats not what I want to hear. A non-worshiper!? WOMAN HATING SWINE!"

We die and fight because you force us to compete by your inability to share. If men are such simple creatures and all we want is sex and food then it must fall to women to create war. You want the very best man and you want him all to yourself and rather than simply picking on your own judgment you let nature choose for you, by making them fight to the death, sometimes literally, and then you want the winner all to yourself, forever, like a pet, or livestock, that no one else can touch, and you want him to work his whole life to pay for your nest and raise your children. Well OK, but that comes with consequences, not the least of which being War.

Look at the distribution of scientific careers men have ALWAYS worked to impress women. Men have handed you civilization. Quit hating us for what it took to make it.

I'm sorry your ashamed of being a pretty women who by virtue of the way society is currently constructed, is given tons of advantage, but that shame has no impact on that advantage. Even if you consciously try to avoid it, you'll still receive it. People like pretty people and give them preferential treatment in ALL walks of life this is basic sociological and psychological fact. Everything you wish you earned was made easier by how you look. Own up to it.

P.S. I can defend any of this. I have a mind for large scale logical systems above and beyond most people. Instead of assuming I'm just a degenerate and attacking me personally how about you attack the ideas and try to prove me wrong?

Thought not.

Saturday, May 3, 2008

It's a people thing.

I'm tired of being saddled with all the hate and violence of the world. Yes I have a penis but that does not mean I am ALL MEN. Thus, I an not Hitler or Stalin. But I'm also not Einstein or Gandhi. I'm just this guy, you know?

I'm tired of “female” meaning caring and love and nurturing, and “male” meaning death and hate and fear and conquest. I haven't conquered shit, I haven't killed anyone, every thing about me is an effort o nurture humanity. I hurt when I see my mean ass neighbor crush cater pillars gleefully because somehow she thinks killing is cool. And because she has a vag and I have a prick somehow I'm the monster. The meanest people I know are female hands down, every time. True hatred and cruelty require a depth of rage and hatred and exacting animal lethality, that has been bred out of men. Those of us with some remaining depth of emotion that don't channel it to a life consuming passion for kissing girls asses with a guitar or paintbrush end up being called crazy.

When a man wants kindness he's a wimp, when he wants blood he's a monster, the worthless pig bastard. When a woman wants kindness she's in touch with her nurturing mother emotional side, when she wants blood she's crying out for justice, or she's been victimized. Awww poor thing.

I'm tired of the double standard. I save a caterpillar without some kind of Buddhist/Christian religious mercenary motivation and I'm a weirdo moron, a woman saves one and she's just a big sweety, awwww.

Men are tools, we always have been, we do what you make us do, and we do it well. We look for ways to avoid a fight, thats the whole point of killing. Put “kill without joy” in google.

Killing is about avoiding pain, not causing it. We invented war to try and end fighting, which is a form of torture, for ALL TIME. Every great conqueror had a dream of unification, had a dream of a permanent end to war. The machine gun was invented expressly for this purpose, to save lives. Which is more humane? Beating a man every day for his whole life or simply killing him?

We are agents of compassion in an imperfect world. We pick up the spiders and move the outside, or crush them if your blood lust demands it. We crawl around int eh dark and the cold with steel in our hands and the stink of rot all around. We look the other strange men in the eye and then bury the dagger in their throat. We press the button that we know will probably blow up children. And ultimately we do it all for women. We do it for our mother and our sisters and our daughters and our fathers who where in turn doing ti for their wives and their mothers and their sisters and so on back through time.

We do the dirty work. And yes as a result we'll get dirty. Quit punishing us for it. Let us live in a world of peace, and you'll find we take to it more easily than you'd ever imagine.

A solider is in many ways just a husband or a father or a son. So much so that we view a solider without a picture of some girl on his person or in his heart as a weirdo monster.

Who is to blame? The finger man or the don that ordered the kill?

It's easy to point out a problem, its much harder to work towards a solution. In fact its hard to even know what that solution is.

I'm tired of emotional numbness being strength. I think it takes a stronger mind to feel and still act or more importantly NOT act when needed.

Courage cannot exist without fear.

The only things I attack are lies injustice pain fear death and guilt. I've been punished my whole life by the outside world for my abundance of love and honesty.

Some look at me and see claws and rage, they see guns and knives and strategy. And a clarity of purpose akin to a would be murderer. I do what you all make me do. I've learned that when I am myself people run, not from fear, but from disgust. I show people tiny fragments and they see weakness. I'm the human trapped on an island with cave men screaming at me. I feel like I've plane crashed only to discover the lord of the flies kids having populated a whole country.

And yes, like ALL humans if pushed, I will kill. Preparing to defend myself is pragmatism, not blood lust. This is not a male thing, its a human thing. Sure I get angry, but if thats all it took to make me kill, well, I've have been in prison for some time now.

I'm angry most of the time yes, but you need to see where that comes from. I'm sad, and I'm tired of being treated like how I feel, FEEL, is worthless emotional flotsam because its not coming from behind long flowing hair big bright eyes and a hairless face. I am valid. I exist.

You are all so hurtful and cold, and yet you call me and mine the monsters. I grow tired of it. I cry at the idea of suffering. It doesn't have to be someone I am related to, it doesn't have to be someone I know, it doesn't have to be someone I like, hell it doesn't even have to be someone REAL.

I can cry at star trek and serenity. I'm tired of sitting in the dark with tears in my eyes feeling weak and guilty for my COMPASSION. You monsters can get through the day ignoring the suffering via distraction after distraction I have no such luxury. I cant throw on blinders and think only about my family. Women are encouraged to be brutal nannies, defending their infants to the exclusion of all other life. This works from a microbial perspective, its a great way to plaster the earth with your living money shot, but its a little thin on true human compassion.

We see a white child die of something and we're all choked up, but in other parts of the world women lose their babies who are just as human as ours, so often that the bond between mother and child isn't even formed for years.

I'm tired of being seen as a radical for espousing basic human compassion, and action beyond writing a fucking tiny check or slapping a ribbon on your car.

Breast cancer doesn't matter as much as pancreatic or bile duct cancer. This is not me being a monster this is me caring about more people than most women do. It's a simple numbers game.

Purpose of life=(Joy > sorrow | Life > death )

I'm tired of being damned for looking past myself, past the present, into other people's worlds and actually giving a shit about what I see there.

Seriously. Lay off. It's a people thing, not a gender/race/age thing.

About

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I'm a politically and culturally subversive author with obsessive tendencies and a lot of free time. I feel a sense of personal responsibility for the fate of my species. My writing is the result.

My primary blog is at http://underlore.com but this G+ profile is a far more active representation of my viewpoint.

Generally I feel the answer to society's ills are technological in nature not political or cultural.

Having said that, I do have political positions of course and I strongly feel that we need to embrace nuclear power and deploy a universal basic income.